It's been a week. So incredibly hard to believe but, it's been a week.
Our sweet golden-doodle was only 6 years old but heaven called him home.
Buddha Love went from the worlds happiest and funniest dog, running big circles around our yard to being lethargic and refusing to eat overnight. Two days later, he began to stand like a bulldog with his chest high and his front legs pulling to the side. A visit to the vet on Monday morning revealed fluid around his lungs and heart and after testing the fluid, he was clearly in heart failure. Not to mention the growths in his chest that were thought to be cancerous.
How can something so fatal and so horrible happen in such an instant? How does a young dog go from running in circles to quickly dying?
I was angry at myself for not taking Buddha on 100 more walks and for not letting him sleep in our bed. In true disbelief of our loss, I promised myself that I would never let Buddha be forgotten and that I would live my life knowing full well that tomorrow isn't promised to any of us. I promised myself that even on the longest days, I'll push Penny for just "one more minute" on the swing. I promised myself that I'll smile and joyfully read one more bedtime story. I promised myself that I will offer more sleepovers for Joey and his crew. I promised myself that I'll plan an extra date night and I'll remember be better about taking my multi-vitamin! I will never let a day go by where I don't take the opportunity to help others.
But you know what? I've been here before.
One year ago Joey and I cried out in a doctors office and sobbed into each other's arms.
That morning, Joey woke up for school, looked cute in his athletic shorts and T-shirt and headed to school in his new nike shoes that he was wearing for the first time that day. By the time he returned home from school that day he had a growth on his eye. Two hours later the growth had more than tripled in size.
When the doctor looked at me and said "This is definitely cancer" in regards to my 10 year old without any warning... Oh we cried. We cried hard. Minutes later I was driving like an insane person to Virginia to have a pediatric eye specialist remove the growth. On the hour and a half long drive, I prayed. I prayed one of those prayers where you're bargaining with the Lord. "God, if you just fix this then I will never________ again." I will never let a day go by where I don't take the opportunity to help others. I will never be frustrated by loud kids during a sleepover. I will never snap at him when he wants a snack after he just finished his dinner. I will never....
Not cancer. Just please, not cancer. At this point, Jason had left work. My Mom had jumped into the car and was driving from Charlotte as fast as she could to be with us. My amazing group of mama prayer warriors were praying and flooding the gates. Everyone was praying. Our amazing Dr. Kellie was on the phone with me giving me some of the best advice ever to calm my nerves. It was an insane day filled with more emotions than a pregnant lady...
It took a full week to get the lab results.
So you see, I've been to this place before where I promise myself that I am done taking things for granted.
That doctor was wrong. The growth on my son's eye was benign. Praise the Lord.
It's been a full week since our Buddha went home to heaven.
So much can change in a week. This time, we're not letting anything change. We're taking one more minute on the swing. We're encouraging time with friends. We're reading "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" for the 29472825th time. Tomorrow isn't promised and so much can change in a week.
Moments are precious and life is fleeting, I'm working on being intentional and meaningful in all things. Live life meaningfully.